Everything I did,I did for a reason.
But if you can't understand that,
Then I'm sorry.
Sorry I can never be who you think I am.
Sorry I can never be someone who can be so rational in thinking.
Sorry I can never be someone who's temperate and all that.
Sorry I can never be that someone you thought I was.
Sorry I can never live up to your expectations.
Sorry I can never change to someone better.
Sorry that the ways I treat you aren't the ways to treat you RIGHT.

I want to scream that I don't love you,
the way you threw those four words at me,
like spit flying from your mouth that hit me in the face,
the words struck my heart like a lightning blot hitting a tree and setting it on fire.
I wish I could say I'm over you,
the way you are,
But I'm not.
And I doubt I ever will be.

I never knew a broken heart could hurt this much.
He says it's over,but why don't I feel that way?
Is it so much to ask,forgiveness?
Crying solves nothing.
Now I'm just staring at blankness.
Not knowing what to do.
Not wanting to do anything.
Just lying there.
Filling others' minds with lies that I'm okay,that I'm just stressed over exams.
I can't stand lying anymore.
I'm breaking down,but you don't care anymore.
And I know that I only have myself to blame.
I was the one who started the mess.
I was the one who broke your heart first.
And ended up breaking mine even more.
And I know that,
I'm just stupid.

多想脑海里不会再出现他的面目。
多想心别再疼了，别再酸了。
多想心别再想他了。
多想眼泪不再为他而掉。
多想爱情可以简单些。
多想放弃了，不爱了。

...And the loneliness creeps in again,covering me in scars,tearing old scars open again. I wish I could say I am strong,like the person I'm always telling my friends in distress they should be.But I'm not.But I have no strength left to muster up my courage to tell him the words and thoughts I have left unsaid. And I suppose it's best for it to stay that way. Avoidance is just cowardly. But what can I do,when I no longer have the will to stand my ground and pretend nothing ever happened?

I was once a cutter in Form2,self-destruction was my friend and my soothing companion. But I don't want to do that anymore. Another but,I don't know what I want to do anymore.

I wish I could be like you,saying the same things that you said to me,perhaps then the pain wouldn't be so crude,so harsh.

You say I don't understand you. I gotta admit that that is true. But when I say you don't understand me,I don't think you think so. What do you know about me? You know my past,my present,my secrets,my likes&hates. But you don't know how crushed I'm emotionally feeling right now.Crush,NOT as in David Archuleta's song - Crush; crushed as in heart shattered into little pieces.

It's not what you did that crushed me. It was what you said after what you did. I don't care what you did,but what you said was just hurtful. You should have thought about it before I got attached. Before I even thought you were serious.

It's not easy for me,you know that. But you don't know how I felt and have been feeling for this past week. I want this to be over,all the pain. But how can I,when you're my best friend,my personal sun when it's raining??

I want to say I don't mind. But I do. And it's killing me from within.
It was a dream that I woke up from. Now it is a nightmare I'm living with.

"There's a story in her eyes,lullabies and goodbyes. When she's looking back at me,I can tell her heart is broken easily." - Britney Spears,Girl in The Mirror. But I suppose it's impossible for you to realize.

"And I wish there was something I could do" - also from the forementioned artist and song. This one's for me.

Labels: been given hell, thoughts i cant comprehend

Two breaths and thirty presses,must do five sets. CPR for my poor temporarily dead blog. So I now revive it with a li'l something.

Got mahh new lappy~!! Acer Aspire 4736G <3 It's so beautiful. I'm in love. Teehee~!!

Christmas is coming soon!! =D And I'm really hoping to attend the Church Service on Christmas Eve at St.Joseph Church. Big surprise to anyone?? =P I've grown attached to the Catholic Church <3 But I'm not expecting any presents anymore this year. My dad just gave me the greatest gift of all,my new lappy~!!! XD

Am waiting so so soooo anxiously for the NS namelist to come out soon.I've got my excuse ready and done to say that I can't go. For those of you who may know me,probably would think it was cuz of my sickness in school. But tahaa~!! again!! XD Part of the excuse is that,but there's a bigger picture. =D

Went for the Law Course about two weeks ago.Was so damn boring!!And I went alone T.T =( But soon,I'm gonna be hitting the road with the blue Suzuki my bro left on the porch for the last (How many months has he been gone??dunno~ XP).

After lots of tuition in November and the first week of December,I am finally free from everything except RC stuff ^^

And now,I've got nothing to say. >.<"

Finally went to watch a movie for the first time in months.




It was hilarious.I just loved Royal Dog.He's stupid when he does kung-fu,but smart in IQ.Honestly,you gotta admit that there are people like that.Woohoo~!!But the effects were really fake. =.= The cold jokes were fine.I was laughing my ass off =D If you've had a bad day and need a laugh,just go for it ^^

After the movie,I had to walk over to Tun Jugah to go reload my phone but it rained and I was wearing white shirt =.= So I rushed to the nearest place,HILTON HOTEL,wet hair and all.And everyone kept glaring at me. What? Can't you tell when a girl's just plain innocent finding a phone to use? I wasn't doing anything wrong.I was just trying to look insignificant,innocent and casual.But everyone just had to stare at me till I stormed out of the place.Stop looking at me =__=||| Honestly,I ask you!It was raining!Is it so wrong to go to a nearby five star hotel for shelter? Anyways,back to the story. The payphone there was out of service,so I had to go into the rain again to Seven Eleven.After I had bought a pin code for reloading my phone,my phone malfunctioned and I couldn't get the *,# and 8 to work.So I had to walk in and out of the shop till one of the workers borrowed me his mobile. =P

Oh ya,and I fell alseep for three hours straight as soon as I got home. =.= How can watching a movie get so tiring?

Labels: me and mahh fwenz, movie mania, my life my story, not-so-ordinary